Brothel Owner Lance Gilman told thestoreyteller.online he will cover the 1000.00 fine incurred by his ethics investigation request filed against Sheriff Gerald Antinoro.
In an exclusive press release sent to The Teller, spokesman Kris Thompson said, “TRIC and The Mustang Ranch want to help our community heal after the polarizing recall effort we forced residents in our good county to endure this Spring. We realize spending $160,000 to unseat the Sheriff to achieve our own personal vendetta was both mean spirited and downright ugly. For this we are deeply sorry. In the spirit of moving peacefully and constructively forward, we have pledged to not only pay the 1000.00 fine imposed on the Sheriff as a result of our petty complaint but also to reimburse Storey County for the estimated $30,000 spent on the Recall Election. He will also return the $7600 Storey County taxpayers paid for the trip to the Donald Trump Inauguration Party he and his valet enjoyed earlier this year.”
But that’s not all.
Mr. Thompson’s press release continued: “Mr. Gilman wants to silence his critics and prove to the community he has turned over a new leaf. Therefore, he will finally honor campaign promises made over the last six years. Commissioner Gilman will distribute the entire 29,100,000 purchase price of the property Google bought earlier this year to the residents of Storey County. On July 4th, 2017, we will be holding a Independence Day festival at the Mustang Ranch where we will deliver a check for $7100 to every man, woman and child in Storey County along with a frozen turkey and a brass ring good for one free ride on the Mustang Ranch Merry-Go-Round.”
“I want the people of Storey County to know that I am a man of integrity and my word is more valuable than gold. This County has been very, very good to me and I want to deliver on promises I made over and over to the good people of Storey County regarding the cash that would be gushing around here. I want to thank them along with the entire Team Storey Team for helping Mr. Norman and me becoming the wealthiest people who do business in Storey County but don’t actually live here” said Mr. Gilman.
In related news, Corrado de Gasprias announced on Friday the discovery of what he calls “the worlds largest Gold and Silver deposit, a modern day El Dorado!” under C Street. He announced that CMI has been granted the necessary permitting by county manager Pat Whitten and the County Commissioners. Digging under the Delta Saloon will start as early as June first.
For more information, contact Comstock Mining Inc.’s and TRIC’s public relations officer Elaine Spencer-Barkdull of the Comstock Chronicle at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For those of you from Rio Linda, this article was reprinted with permission from the Shallot. If you thought this was stranger than fiction, you should adjust your satire-o-meter.
I love Satire 😂
I read the above linked article this morning, and at first wondered where Sam got that file photo of Lance, resplendent in his ostrich skin jacket and glinting aviators, sans cowboy hat. As my eyes roamed through the first few paragraphs, I honestly was thinking, “Really? REALLY?????” and then I realized ole Sam was pulling my leg all the way to Joe Conforete’s penthouse in Rio.
This is a FINE piece of editorial humorous sarcasm that surely deserves a shot in the Nevada Press Association’s annual competition. Be sure to submit it, Sam!
WOW! I thought my prayers had been answered and we would all get an early Christmas present along with a turkey…..damn…..
This was a great article.