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Nicole Barde for County Commissioner

Commissioner Lance Gilman Vows To Pay Property Taxes.

In an exclusive interview with The Teller this Christmas Eve, Mustang Ranch Brothel Resident and Owner, TRIC Executive, Storey County Commissioner, bunkmate to Storey County Planning Commissioner Kris Thompson, all around good guy, and Storey County Savior Lance “The Magnificent” Gilman announced today he was winding down his career at TRIC and transitioning to the next phase of his life.

Recognizing his role as Storey County Commissioner has allowed him to grease the skids for TRIC by lining the pockets of the “Team Storey” players who made it happen, Gilman told The Teller his focus is shifting to the future and establishing his legacy in Storey County.

“When you think of the titans who built “The Richest Place On Earth”, you think of names like Conforte, Beebe, Twain, Fair, and Mackey. I think, if you objectively consider the contributions I have made to this County, these guys haven’t done half of what I have in my 19 short years here on the Comstock,” Santa Gilman said with a twinkle in his eye.

Santa Clause Gilman Is Coming To Town in 2018

“When I bought the McCarren Family sheep ranch in the late 1990’s, I knew I’d be here one day. By selling the last hundred acres at TRIC the other day, I made more money than I could have imagined. Literally. Things are winding down out here and it’s time for me to look at cementing my legacy. Look, I spread a lot of cash around to the folks who run this county to get things done for us. They have done a fantastic job for me here at TRIC. A really, really magnificent job. Huge. Magnificent,” pined Gilman.

Sadly, with all that money I gave them, they couldn’t make my promise to roll back our property taxes a reality. I promised the voters I would roll back property taxes. I ran on that promise and they elected me. Twice. That’s why I’m stepping up where “Team Storey” fell down. In this Christmas Season of Giving, I’m telling your readers today that I’m paying the property taxes for all people living in Storey County in 2018. I’m just that damn generous,” Gilman told The Teller.

The County leaders begged me to buy the Mustang Ranch. They begged me to be a pimp.

“When I moved to Reno nearly twenty years ago, Storey County was dead broke and couldn’t even pay attention. As I stated in my lawsuit against Sheriff Antinoro, The County leaders begged me to buy the Mustang Ranch. They begged me to become a pimp. The county was bankrupt and going to be annexed by Washoe and Carson City Counties; they needed that Mustang Ranch cash. Looking back, I have to tell you, I am really I glad I did. Having the opportunity to make money off the sweat of young women’s backs as they provide a needed service to Northern Nevada men has been the most rewarding move of my career. Today, TRIC is about to sell our last acre and I am transitioning into retirement. I feel it’s time to come through on things I have promised the good people of Storey County,” beamed Santa Gilman.

No Grinch To His District

“We drop a hundred grand every year on community outreach here in my happy little district. Joe Conforte used to give out turkeys around Thanksgiving; what I do takes makes Joe look like a piker.” Gilman was referring to the fact that on the last Friday of every month the women of the Mustang, who Gilman affectionately refers to as “My Ho’s”, provide community “service” to deserving Lockwood and Rainbow Bend River District area seniors. “These men are homebound and alone all month. We give them something to look forward to. For many of them, this is what keeps them going. Making them feel good makes me feel good. I really love giving back to my community like this,” said Gilman with a smile.

That isn’t all Lance “The Magnificent” does for the people of his district. Recently he donated surplus couches after renovating one of his pole dancing rooms at the Mustang to the Lockwood Senior Center. “We were excited to get genuine Mustang Ranch couches for our center. Now that we have steam cleaned them (twice), doused them with ammonia, insect killer, and Fabreze, they’re almost good as new. We love them. They’re so comfy,” a Senior Center volunteer told The Teller.

Gilman’s Lasting Legacy; Washoe County High School Women’s Athletic Programs

“I said it a hundred times before, and it bears repeating today. In 2001 I personally saved the entire Storey County School District by writing a check for Four Hundred Grand. Four Hundy. Large. No Interest. Pay me back whenever. Or never. I did it because I recognize the importance of a good education. The kids who were in first and second grades back then are graduating from Storey County High School today thanks to me. I am so proud to be the one who made their education possible. What an awesome thing. I’m so proud. So very proud,” oozed The Magnificent One.

Hunt a Ho’ and Mo’

“However, when it comes to my legacy, I wanted to outdo what I did for Storey County Schools. I was reflecting on what my girls went through in training for the World Famous “Hunt a Ho” trials. Good conditioning is so important to win the Hunt a Ho competition (You can watch His Magnificence beam with delight as his “Ho’s” get hunted by clicking here),” explained Gilman.

Washoe County provides the workers needed at both Telsa and at the Mustang. Washoe County High School graduates can get one of those coveted $22.00 per hour Tesla GigaFactory jobs. However, as Mr. Magnificent points out, “The young women of Washoe County need to know that if they work hard and apply themselves, they have an opportunity to earn tens of thousands of dollars a month without a bothering with a college degree after they turn 18.”

“I have teamed up with Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton and Al Franken to donate a million dollars a year to fund girls athletic programs in Washoe County High Schools. Together, we will give back to the community of Northern Nevada while cultivating future generations of Mustang Ranch workers. Talk about a win-win. Magnificent!” gleamed a giddy Gilman.

As we wound down our interview, I could almost hear Santa Lance’s reindeer hooves dancing on the roof. “After I’m gone, future generations will look back with awe and amazement at my brilliant career. They will thank me and thank God I did it all here in Storey County,”  “The Magnificent” Gilman misted wistfully.


For those of you in Rio Linda and bunking at 5B and 56 Wild Horse Canyon Drive, the above article is satire. As such, it is protected by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution and The United States Supreme Court thanks in part to Mr. Gilman’s fellow industry mate Larry Flint (see Hustler Magazine v Falwell). Deal with it.

 




Nicole Barde for Storey County Commissioner

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20 comments

  1. Lance found his wife at a brothel?

    You can’t make this stuff up!

    Perhaps you voting seniors will wise up that just because some one buys your dog food doesn’t make them good people.

    • A “Nevada citizen” demeaning women over using their right to free agency and contract. What an ignoramus. Sam Toll is an imbecile. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Bulette

      • Josh, we see in others that which we know best about ourselves.

        Remember, once you toss insults your position loses any high ground it may have occupied.

        Thanks for reading The Teller and tell a friend about it.

        Hasta la Victoria Siempre!

        • Speak for yourself. You have no position to lecture anyone, you are a joke.

          • If you have a point, feel free to make it. However, elevate yourself out of second grade.

            I have no problem having an intelligent conversation with folks who don’t agree with what we do here.

            If you’re simply here to be an ass, you will be bounced. , I will not tolerate a jaggoff…

            Fair Warning Delivered

  2. Sam Toll;
    For the public interest please accept and address this correspondence as one of presumption. Mr. Toll, you present your blog as a source of News, editorials, letters to the editor, community news and information about yourself; presumably a source from which people may find information of importance relating to the events, people and politics in your new found community. No where do I find in the presentation of your blog that it is intended as a source of satire. In reading your most recent attack against Mr. Gilman I find it interesting that you attack the businessman Lance Gilman, personally. You have utilized facts which in reality came into being as part of an altruistic endeavor on the part of Mr. Gilman. The events superseding the purchase of the Mustang Ranch by Mr. Gilman were clearly controlled by Federal entities in situations involving the I.R.S. and the F.B.I. This being said, you take fact and wrap it in malicious fiction, clearly intended to demean Mr. Gilman and diminish his persona in the public view. You are currently the defendant in a civil action for defamation wherein you state Mr. Gilman is the Plaintiff, despite this ongoing action you continue to attack Mr. Gilman. One cannot help but notice the headline on your blog which states “County Comissioner Lance Giman Sues The Teller In An Effort To Silence Free Speech” besides the spelling errors in this headline, other errors are very apparent. Mr. Gilman is not attempting to silence free speech, it is clear to any objective observer that Mr. Gilman is simply exercising the laws of our Republic as a defense to what are viewed as malicious attacks from you, Sam Toll. I did notice, after my third reading of your diatribe, that in a separate and removed section at the bottom of the page you state that this article is satire and you cite- Hustler Magazine, Inc. v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46 (1988) as the law under which you are presenting this attack as protected free speech; I am happy to see a news reporter researching law. It is important that a person who is going to attack another in writing, by convolution of fact with fiction perform his due diligence and it appears you have, and by citing Hustler Magazine, Inc. v. Falwell, 485 U.S. 46 (1988) it appears that you have analyzed the “actual malice” standard and that you know exactly what you are doing. Very interesting situation.

  3. The couch in the community center was bought NEW by the community center board. We are the RIVER DISTRICT not Riverbend, although River Bend is a lovely community in Oregon & Bend of the River is a great old movie, filmed on the Salmon River above Salmon, Idaho. I actually thought this FB page was supposed to be about the activities in the Lockwood community but it seems to have become a forum for bigotry & hatred. I have been her 20 years & have never heard such viterol as I have since this forum started. There is enough dissection in this world that we don’t need it infecting our own community. THIS IS NOT SATIRE.

    • Martha, reaching out and thanks for reading The Teller. I’ll make that correction and make sure to refer to the River District properly in the future. County politics, for better or worse, are community matters and are as important as missing dogs or kids needing lawnmowing jobs. While I have not control over the input from others, I can assure you I am not a bigot and I don’t hate. However, I won’t stand still for elected or appointed folks using their positions of power to benefit their self-interests over the interests of those they serve.

      If this offends you, then I welcome you to use the tools available to you to block what we do.

      Again, Thank you for reading The Teller and taking the time to share your feelings.

      • Sam Toll tries to spin my statements as attacks or insults, I am an observer stating facts. Sam Toll is an imbecile, and “Nevada Citizen is an ignoramus. This is a fact as clearly evidenced by their own statements. “Nevada Citizen” and Sam Toll have defined themselves, no one else s doing.
        im·be·cile
        ˈimbəsəl/
        nouninformal
        noun: imbecile; plural noun: imbeciles
        1.
        a stupid person.
        adjective
        adjective: imbecile
        1.
        stupid; idiotic.
        “try not to make imbecile remarks”
        ig·no·ra·mus
        ˌiɡnəˈrāməs,ˌiɡnəˈraməs/
        noun
        noun: ignoramus; plural noun: ignoramuses

        an ignorant or stupid person.

        • If you have a point, feel free to make it. However, elevate yourself out of second grade.

          I have no problem having an intelligent conversation with folks who don’t agree with what we do here.

          If you’re simply here to be an ass, you will be bounced. , I will not tolerate a jagoff…

          • Wow, poor Sam Toll. You start a blog which purports to be a news provider but in actuality it is a front for publishing defamatory hit pieces which are clearly politically motivated, as Mr. Gilman has a right to be left alone, I believe you are a fraud as you are causing him injury. I Just noticed Sam Toll has a go fund me account for his legal defense; this is ridiculous, Sam Toll abuses the laws of the United States to harass individuals, with malicious intent, to be an utter nuisance, then begs for money to pay for the defense of these actions and to top it off, threatens to boot me off of the response section of his blog for stating facts which he finds uncomfortable thus denying me the ability to exercise my first amendment right on his blog site. Sam Toll=
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victim_playing

          • You have an uncanny familiarity with the term victim playing. We see in others that which we know about ourselves…

            You and your homeboy are confusing malice with outrage.

            As an elected official, Lance Gilman occupies an elevated position in society whose protections from defamation are held to a higher standard. If you are unclear on this concept, ask Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

            To suggest I have injured his fame more than his self-inflicted injuries shows that you’re simply not paying close enough attention.

            Can you say “Hunt A ‘Ho”?

            Thanks for reading The Teller and tell a friend.

            Hasta la Victoria Siempre!

          • Joshua, thanks for pointing out my typo in the word Jagoff. I thought it had two g’s but as it turns out, there is only one. Good Catch, Thanks…

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagoff

  4. I found the article regarding the petting zoo especially funny and definitely satire. Also, the residency issue has me confused.,.although perhaps I’m easily confused. I recall Gilman being all over the news when the homes were destroyed by fire last year in the north Carson area. He was being represented by David Houston wrt suing the fire service or the university as a controlled burn wasn’t mopped up properly or something along those lines. So his primary residence is not considered Carson City?

    • According to his official paperwork submitted with County Clerk Vanessa Stephens, his legal address is the double wide behind his brothel. There isn’t a person I have talked to who believe he actually lives there. Most folks suggest he rests his head on a pillow in Reno.

      Thanks for reading the Teller and please share it with a friend.

  5. Faith StClair-Tyler

    I am new to this site, and I have not read all the available articles. So, in case you did not already know, FYI, Kris Thompson moved to NV from the San Diego area, after being disbarred for failure to comply with court orders. Seems he was too busy to get to court ordered treatment for multiple DUI’s. Easily googled. Received this information from a Gilman family member. It was determined that TRI needed representation, not the residents of the River District. Everyone knows neither Gilman, nor Thompson live behind the brothel. But most don’t care. After all, he gives them free hot dogs and chocolate once a year.

    • Thanks for Reading the Teller.

      Nothing like hot dogs and chocolates to pump up the base. Joe Conforte used turkeys to get similar results back in the day…

  6. Mr. Toll;
    I am not “playing victim” I have been targeted by corrupt officials including your friend Sheriff Antinoro, I have been the victim of multiple violent attacks in Virginia City, had my business and life ruined, a gold mine stolen by your friend Steven Saylor through fraud and violence, I had to watch my family put through hell by the government of Storey County as they maliciously prosecuted my uncle on fabricate sexual assault charges for exercising his first amendment rights, the stress of which contributed to the death of my Grandmother all of this is fact, most of which is contained in court documents from past and current actions.
    Once again your refusal to address real crimes committed in your area of operation show how disingenuous you are. I find your continued application of other peoples quotes to your situations amusing, Gerald does the same thing, these are by no means absolutes and are contextual, more evidence of your shallow intellect. I see you are spreading your wings and putting quite a bit of work into your blog, reporting on issues like the upcoming election, your local Justice of the peace is quite a character, I will never forget her assisting Robertina Brown in getting all of the assistance available for victims of violent crime, even though Robertina was not the victim of a violent crime, no medical records, no evidence of abuse, but Harrington’s bosses sure wanted Eric Pierson in prison, Harrington being the paralegal for the D.A., actually, at the time working for “Special Prosecutor” Laura Grant, brought in to target Pierson because the elected D.A. refused to maliciously prosecute, and the A.G. refused to take the fake case. Low and behold Harrington gets the JOP slot after the Pierson set up, awesome how your cousins on the Comstock operate.
    I do not believe I corrected your spelling of the epithet you used against me, I believe that was Yomba Police Chief Handte.
    I AM interested in who the “We” are that you speak of, please enlighten everyone as to who exactly is working with you on your blog, in the interest of full disclosure and professional integrity, and out of respect for our judicial system, you should identify the WE.. See you soon Sam.

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