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Long Live King Lance

by Annie Mouse

That’s essentially what almost 600 Storey County citizens said when they signed the petition to recall Sheriff Antinoro. King Lance must be celebrating in his whorehouse with his concubine (that’s their stated address on the petition), now that his dream of ENTIRELY controlling Storey County is about to come true.

THAT’s what this recall petition was about – it was Lance showing Antinoro who has the upper hand in Storey – NOT the LAW, not the SHERIFF, but a County Commissioner.
This started years ago when Lance fleeced his investor by not making his payments to him on the loan the man had made to help build the Wildhorse brothel. Essentially, Lance shut down the Wildhorse, saying it didn’t exist anymore, and christened the property the Mustang Ranch. Quite clever wasn’t it? By making the name change, he told his investor to “Take a hike. The Wildhorse doesn’t exist anymore.” Funny thing is, the courts didn’t agree and the investor won. But, in the meantime, because Lance had shut down the Wildhorse and reopened it as the Mustang, he thought he didn’t need to go through the investigation that the Nevada Revised Statutes require for the opening of a new brothel. He didn’t want to follow the law. The County Commissioners even agreed with him. Why should Lance, the man who’s been a virtual Santa Claus (at least he tries to convince people he is) for Storey County, have to follow the law? Sheriff Antinoro said the law had to be followed and that the Mustang had to be closed for the required number of days, per state statute, for the investigation with which ALL brothels must
comply. King Lance was furious. He secretly plotted payback.
So, King Lance ran for County Commissioner. What did it matter that he owned the largest business in the county; surely St. Nick couldn’t ever have a conflict of interest, could he? He had a glorious campaign – spent over $35 THOUSAND DOLLARS on it. Never has a candidate spent so much on a campaign in this county! But, he ran huge advertisements in the newspapers – publishers LOVED him! He had BBQ’s – the people LOVED him! He had rallies with food, chocolate, and speeches about how King Lance was going to bring the financial prosperity he’d accumulated to all the voters. Virginia City was going to be transformed! He’d share his secrets for success with the shop owners and earnings would soar. Tourists would jam the boardwalks every day of the year because of his promotional skills. We’d have the BEST schools, the BEST roads, and BEST of ALL, we’d have LOWER property taxes because the wealth of taxes his
Golden Goose generated – Tahoe Reno Industrial Center, or TRIC (appropriate, huh?), would be so copious, that every property owner in Storey would reap the benefits!!!!!

Remember all that? It was only about five years ago. Surely you remember? Did King Lance make good on his promises?

But, the voters believed Lance. They munched on his BBQ, they consumed his crudite’, they chowed down on his chocolate, and they ATE HIS LIES! King Lance was elected. Once in office, when King Lance was asked about these promises, he always had excuses; but he did have groceries for seniors, and checks for charity functions. They helped King Lance keep up his Santa Claus image.
2016 rolled around, and King Lance was up for re-election but would anyone run against him? OF COURSE NOT! Who has at least $35 THOUSAND DOLLARS to try to compete with King Lance? Who has spent the last four years raining money and groceries around the county? NO ONE, because no one has that kind of money, and most importantly, NO ONE has the POWER that King Lance has acquired during his time in office.

Now, King Lance was ready for retaliation against the Sheriff who had dared to cross him years ago. He had a list he’d made of Antinoro’s transgressions (who cared how true, embellished or fabricated they were), from IMPRINTED PENS no less, to sexual harassment, a bungled murder case, inflated budgets, $144 THOUSAND DOLLARS the Sheriff had stolen from the county. King Lance licked his lips in anticipation of the delicious dish of revenge he’d serve. Last year, Antinoro had the audacity to do the regular inspection of King Lance’s brothel workers’ paperwork. How DARE he set foot in the King’s realm without invitation!

The retaliation came in the form of a recall petition. At the top was the list of all of Antinoro’s sins. He was a CRIMINAL and MUST BE RECALLED! King Lance assembled a group of lackeys that were his Recall Committee. All were underlings who’d proven their allegiance to him. Some were characters who were of ill repute and hated in the county. Pawns were sent out to get signatures. “Yes, Antinoro ASSAULTED women! He STOLE money from the county! He had PENS PRINTED with his name on them using YOUR MONEY. He ABETTED in a MURDER case!” – Anything was said to get petitions signed.

As he lay in his bed at night, King Lance mused smugly on how all his plans were working. The petitions were signed, sloppily and with many errors, but it was Storey County, wink, wink! There would be a recall election, and how his Committee would MALIGN Antinoro even MORE – he wouldn’t be able to show his face ANYWHERE! “Ha ha! Antinoro will be OUT, and I, er myself and my fellow commissioners that is, will appoint a NEW Sheriff!!! Of course he will be of my choosing, do my bidding, and never say ‘Peep!’ unless I ask, and then I will tell him how long and how loud. I WILL FINALLY RULE ALL OF Storey County! I can’t believe how EASY it was to get those sheep to do what I want. Those groceries and checks were all worth it. When I’m termed out in 2020, maybe I’ll run for U.S. Senate….” Sleep overcame King Lance, as he turned over and snuggled closer to the warm Rubenesque body next to his. “You’re so smart, I think you could be President, Lance. I really do.” she cooed.
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You made it this far. Why not jump in the mosh pit and add a comment. Even if you are dancing alone, dance.